I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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