After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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