Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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