the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No subtext here. People are naked.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
