i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
