it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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