We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
