i think my tv is drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
