It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
