I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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