so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
