Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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