I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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