If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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