lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
