Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
