I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
