Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize