Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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