everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
