If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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