naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
how drunk are you?
Several
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
