i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
