so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
