his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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