Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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