By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
