If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
