hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize