and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
