I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
