i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
