eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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