only if we run a train.
done.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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