Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
