No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
