dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
