i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You ruined the universe
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
