my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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