I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
