he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
