I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
