walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
