We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
