Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
