He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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