I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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