And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I need to calm my uterus...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
