sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
