I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
