I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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