i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize