u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
