The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Life is so much better after having sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm getting married
To pizza
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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