i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
