dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
