I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
