Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
