So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize