she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
birth control should be required to get into college
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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