new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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