what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
