Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
