woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
