I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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