between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You need Xanax blowdarts
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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